Thornford v Mere Cricket Club Mere CC on Sun 20 May 2012 at 2pm
Mere Cricket Club Won by 43 runs

Match report Rutherford Nightmere for Thornford

It was a prompt arrival at Thornford which allowed for some fielding practice and pre match chat…

Chairman: Hi Dave good to see you. How’s Uni going?
Dave R: Good thanks.
Chairman: Have you managed to get any cricket in since last season?
Dave R: Yes actually Mark. Every Sunday match we’ve played together so far this season.

And this week’s Saga Senior Moment winner is …Mark Cassidy.

Skipper Weir made the brave decision to bat first on a wicket that looked unpredictable and an outfield long enough to lose a small child in.

Only Messrs Cook Strauss Trott Pietersen and Bell have spent more man hours honing their batting skills over the dark winter than club Chairman Mark Cassidy. The England batsmen have spent hours facing Saeed Ajmal deliveries from their custom made bowling machine named Merlin. Cassidy has become very friendly with the Warminster CC Academy bowling machine named Bryan. Cassidy has concentrated on aggressive shot making taking great delight in smashing Bryan for sixes back over his head as Bryan delivered long hop after half volley. Even young George Cassidy joined in the onslaught unceremoniously breaking the perspex cover protecting Bryan’s more delicate parts.

With 36 runs under his belt against Westbury Cassidy was feeling bullish striding out to the middle to open the innings with his bodyguard Tottenham Turner Sean Harkin by his side for protection. He looked solid in defence but a mix up in the middle left him run out for a duck in the 4th over. Feeling dejected, angry, upset and frustrated his teammates felt his pain and in a show of support Kev Tealey tossed him the new ‘Duck Boy’ t-shirt with the instructions to put it on before he had time to unstrap his pads.

A steady partnership developed between the Tottenham Turner turned Tottenham Tonker and the Skipper which lasted 13 overs. Weir took his time struggling to get his eye in on a difficult wicket with Legg Snr, Wood, Leg Jnr and Rigden all bowling tight lines. Meanwhile Harkin hit a 6 and a couple of 4s making it look as easy as a net against Mere under 9’s.

Weir fell to a soft catch at square leg for 14 and spent 10 minutes in the container (changing rooms) having some ‘time to think’ or more commonly known as a sulk. As it turned out 10 minutes was a long time in this match and the report is handed over to the Chairman, during Weir’s self-inflicted quarantine period.

So the job of pushing the Mere innings on fell squarely on the shoulders of Dave “Motcombe Boy” Rutherford, who despite the Chairman’s surprise was indeed about to contribute to the Mere run total for the fourth time this season. Rutherford however had other ideas and was trapped lbw for a big fat golden duck. The chairman leapt from the scorebox with undignified joy, tearing off his “Duck Boy”
t-shirt and strode out to meet the dejected boy Rutherford to “hand over” the embarrassing garment, happy that it was to find a new victim so quickly. He was stopped squarely in his tracks ....a bit like earlier when sent back by Harkin by a call from Mr Tealy (more than he’d had from Mr Harkin earlier in the middle!)...”Oi Mark what you doing, you don’t need to give him yours...I BOUGHT FOUR OF EM!”

Cassidy incredulous at Tealey’s obvious lack of confidence in the team’s ability to get off the mark retorted “FOUR...WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’VE GOT FOUR..I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WOULD HAVE GOT FOUR!”

Later in the piece Cassidy was heard to say FOUR! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU ONLY GET FOUR FOR..I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ONLY GOT FOUR!”.....for in the space of only a few more balls he watched both Yeo junior, senior Yeo (that’s older not Spanish) and Rutherford depart the square adding one between them to the score. It was at this moment that young Yeo and the boy Rutherford thought it prudent to offer their services as umpires in the middle, as skipper Weir hadn’t finished sulking in the changing room and would be mighty peeved (public school for p*****d off) when he appeared and found them back in the pavilion already.
The sordid tale is picked up by the red faced and still moist-eyed Weir, who hadn’t blubbed like that since given the slipper for handing in his Latin homework late.

Appearing from the container (and resuming the match report), Skipper Weir had done enough thinking and after a long deliberation had come to the conclusion - ‘it was a sh*t shot’. He was equally surprised to see the sun was shining as he was to see Kev Tealey already at the crease at number 7. He then disappeared to the little boys room for 60 seconds which as it turned out was also a long time in this match and on his return he was again surprised, this time to see Harkin sitting on a chair in front of the pavilion after failing to leave a ball correctly.

Law 31. Out Timed out
(a) After the fall of a wicket or the retirement of a batsman, the incoming batsman must, unless Time has been called, be in position to take guard or for his partner to be ready to receive the next ball within 3 minutes of the dismissal or retirement. If this requirement is not met, the incoming batsman will be out, Timed out.

This left Kev Whitmore 3 minutes to leave the field as umpire, get changed into his whites and pad up and return to crease to take guard. Could he do it…? No. In fact Kev could have been timed out 4 times if Thornford had enforced the rules. He claimed trouser string trouble as the main reason for his delay. Still it allowed the Thornford players some relaxation in the sun and The Don to start choosing his curry for the following Saturday night. Under instructions from the skipper to bat out all the overs, it was an exceptionally long build up for Whitmore’s one ball and the 4th duck of the innings.

At 59-7, Mere finally capitulated for 66 all out in their 29th over with the 5th and final duck falling to debutant Ed Ford. Fortunately for Ed the ‘Duck-Boy’ t-shirts had run out, Kev Tealey incorrectly assuming Mere would never reach to the lows of 5 ducks in one innings.

The unbelievably good chocolate cake and mystery meat paste sandwiches would have to wait 11 of Thornford’s overs before Tea was taken. Mere took to the field with great enthusiasm but a sense of despair – How do you defend 66? There’s only one way to defend a total of 66 and that’s bowl the opposition out for 23! Yes, 23…

Pace ace Dave Rutherford got Mere off to a dream start with a triple wicket maiden over followed a by a wicket on the 1st ball of his 2nd over. Roy of the Rovers stuff. Not even the Ginger Ninja could do that against Westbury with Rutherford finishing on 2-4 from his 5 overs. At the other end The Don showed a remarkable piece of athleticism for an 84 year old to get Rigden caught and bowled off his second over. Under 15s captain Ed Ford joined the party with 5-2 from his 2 overs - a fine debut and a good future ahead for the young left arm bowler.

Whitmore and Becky Yeo finished Thornford off in the 22 over for just 23, a new club record and a bowling and fielding display to proud of including 2 excellent caught behinds by gloves Mark Cassidy, a catch at cover by the skipper and the aforementioned heroics of The Don.

Mere Cricket Club Mere CC Batting
Player Name RunsMB4s6sSRCtStRo
3nb 10b 1lb 
for 10 wickets

(28.0 overs)
Mark Cassidy Run out  0 2
Sean Harkin Bowled  26
Duncan Weir Caught  14 1
Dave Rutherford Lbw  0
Rebecca Yeo Bowled  1
Bryan Yeo Run out  0 1
Kevin Tealey Caught  6
Kevin Whitmore Bowled  0
George Cassidy Not Out  4
Lewis Wood Caught  1
Ed Ford Caught  0

Thornford Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
No records to display.

Thornford Batting
Player name RMB4s6sSR
2w 1b  
for 10 wickets
23 (19.1 overs)
  Caught  0
  Bowled  11
  Bowled  0
  Bowled  0
  Bowled  1
  Caught  4
  Bowled  0
  Bowled  4
  Lbw  0
  Caught  0
  Not Out  0

Mere Cricket Club Mere CC Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Dave Rutherford5.04240.500.40
Bryan Yeo5.0313113.002.60
Ed Ford2.01522.502.50
Sean Harkin2.02000.000.00
Kevin Whitmore4.03120.500.25
Duncan Weir2.01100.000.50
Rebecca Yeo1.10010.000.00